I'm Sorry I Wasn't Better that Day

Im sorry, that the day on the turnpike I let you pass me. I had just hydroplaned myself and slowed down. I know everyone was in a hurry to beat the ice and snow. You were probably missing your family since you were driving alone. I'm sorry when i got to your sun roof (as your car was on its side, and your torso underneath) we didn't push the car off you right away. Im sorry we searched for your pulse and found it, and didn't just push that fucking car off you right then and there. Im sorry I listened to that fucking med student tell me that it might be keeping you alive. Im sorry it took me nearly 2 years to write this. I get on facebook often to see your face as it was on your drivers license the day i looked at it. Though it makes me remember what your head looked like after your car had crushed it. I'm sorry i didn't preform CPR on you the second we pushed the car off you. We had lost your pulse 5 minutes before I know that trooper said you were dead and theres no hope. I shouldn't have listened, I was weak and wish I had done something more. I sprinted and got a blanket to cover you, as that's all i felt i could do in that moment. I just feel like I had never done enough to help you that day. I joined the military and failed, i was going for pararescue a job that gets there fast and first. I choose this job because there was no ambulance/ firemen there 45 minutes after your wreck. I feel if someone had just gotten there you'd still be here. Now I am becoming a firefighter in Wichita, and I will never loose hope as others and I did that day!!! Im sorry and pray for you. Thank you for giving me the strength to find my calling in life! Im sorry it took loosing yours. God be with you, god love you.