A letter to my two-month old baby

I cannot describe the grief I am feeling right now. I started looking at girl and boy names. I wanted to name you something unique…. I created a baby wish list and a “to-do list” before your arrival. I already knew the location of the future baby- shower. If I be damned, I even knew I wanted to save for your college education.

But, tonight these dreams have been flushed down the toilet (literally). I saw you yesterday at the ultrasound for a brief moment but I knew that I loved you. You were so tiny, and I was hoping that you were going to keep growing inside of me. I can handle a little belly and back pain, but I don’t know if I can handle loosing you. Despite not meeting you properly, I loved you and, there will always be a place in my heart for you.